Fractured an ankle, tore a ligament. BEST START OF THE YEAR EVER. Looking back at my first post of the year which was not too long ago, I asked for 2015 to be good to me.. haha. Rolls eyeballs.
Had to pick a color for my cast. And among all the funky colors, I chose the most boring one. Reflects my mood.
Why does time seem to pass so super slowly?
Almost a month using only one leg, it feels like it's growing in size while the other feels as if it's shrinking and softening up. Already been warned about the difference in leg size when my cast is removed, so that I will be mentally prepared for that shocking moment.
Literally losing all that hard earned muscle mass. I hate it.
Although I try to be as independent as possible, I hate the stupid stares I get when I'm out. Have those people never seen someone with a wrapped up leg on crutches or a wheelchair before? They need to get a hobby man. I have to trouble so many people around me especially my mum to ferry me everywhere, get things for me, take this, take that, make sure I don't fall when the floor is wet, or when there are steps, feed me. Suddenly the world feels so much bigger than before. Like everywhere feels further than it is and everything is out of my reach. Even going to the toilet is a chore. Why can't our bladder accommodate a day's worth of pee so that we only have to go to the toilet once?
Nothing else to say other than my life having the worst timing ever. I missed my last ISG vball match, my last ever softball quarters, BV's first fashion show of the year, my first company dinner. And I can't MC my last semester of school because I really wanna graduate. The boyfriend's birthday was spent in my cast as well and same for the coming Vday and CNY dinner. AAAAARRRGHHHHHHH WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN AT THE SAME TIME.
CNY is around the corner but I totally have no mood to dress up, no mood to care about my face and how I look and all. Feeling more and more unfit by the day, finally appreciate being able to walk and do everything on my own.
The worst start to the new year: I tore my ankle ligament 3 days ago.
It was my last ISG vball before I graduate, and I was kinda looking forward to it since IHG vball season for us has already miserably ended, as expected. It was during warm ups, before any match even started, before ADM v SCBE. I was doing my usual setting by the net when I jumped, and bloody hell William Ong the boy (not guy) who can't play vball for nuts, jumped to 'spike' from the other side of the net and couldn't break his own momentum, charged from under the net and into me while I was midair. Bam.
Even though I've sprained my ankle before, this time it felt different. It felt worse.
At that moment I felt really giddy and out of breath. Nauseous, pain, and all the words that people were saying to me became all muffled out. In my head I was thinking.. oh so this is how it really feels like, when dramas show what a person experiences before fainting. Thought I was gonna pass out or die. Drama, I know.
Got pulled to the side and I eventually threw up which made me feel better. Iced my leg and hung around for awhile before help came in the form of bff tan xiwen and the bf who took time off his work and commuted all the way down to pulau NTU to send me home. Felt loved.
Two days have passed and I'm on crutches for probably the next week or so. Being this partially disabled is really annoying and troublesome. I have to trouble everyone around me to help me get stuff, accompany me to places, and settle my meals. I can't step out of the house and I'm so damn bored which explains this post. I feel as if my life has come to a halt, but time waits for no one. The next day after I injured myself it was IHG softball quarters WHICH I CAN'T PLAY. Really really really extremely mad at myself and guilty towards my team for being in this state at the worst timing. My last chance to play in Hall 10 softball for the semis and I chose to sacrifice this chance for some stupid ISG vball which was hopeless and that I didn't even play in the end. UGHHHHHHH.
Next week school reopens and FYP is ongoing but my progress is stagnant all thanks to my immobility. How do I even get around school in this state. I'm really worried for next week. well done geraldine for picking the best timing to get yourself injured. Can't go to work in the meantime as well which honestly doesn't really bother me (but that means no income), but slightly suspecting that my bosses would think that I'm just making a fuss out of a seemingly 'small' injury to escape work when I'm actually not.
After an X-ray the doctor said that I have bone growths on the sides of my ankles due to bad recovery from my previous injuries, and constant exertion will cause it to grow bigger which may cause pain and require surgery in the future. So no more competitive sports. what? Even my mum is against me playing vball or softball again in the future after hearing that. How to survive. Just grow fat and rot.
Seriously. Can't my year start on a better note?
For a little consolation, a very old friend who walked out on our friendship and for a good 6 years of my life has been labelled by me as a bastard recently contacted me again to apologize and salvage this lost friendship. Yes I was hurt and disappointed then, but people grow and time heals so thank you for taking this step to say sorry and reconcile our broken friendship.
Gosh how time flies once again. Everytime I'm posting here it's like half a year is gone.
Today is the 1st of Jan 2015, and it's the year that I'll be graduating! Awesome I can't wait.
Some people say that once you start working you'd wish you could go back to school again, but those studying wish that they could quickly start working. Don't really know how to feel about that but I'm quite sure as of now I'd rather be earning money than wasting my time traveling back and forth from NTU doing something I 99% wouldn't do after I graduate. Hm.
Thinking back for the past year some pretty amazing things happened, some not so worth remembering, but I think I'll choose to only bring the happy memories to 2015.
Things I did in 2014:
- Went to Korea with one of my best friends to look for one of my best friends
- Be part of an extremely tedious and exhausting VFX production
- Was forced to learn how to use Nuke
- Moved out of Hall for good after 3 years
- Started working on my FYP
- Picked up oil painting
- Went on a wonderful trip to Norway and Copenhagen with my family and boy
- Got a job at a bridal shop
- Got my own little income that made me a lot more financially independent
- Went on my first trip with the boy to BKK, also for my first time.
- My parents met his family for the first time
- Spent Chrsitmas day with his family
- Bought 5 pairs of heels
- Picked up Tchoukball
- Played my last IHG
- Counted down to 2015 in the comfort of home and family
Regardless of my decisions this year, 2015 please be good to me.
Another half a year for a post to be up. Somehow it seems that I only post when I'm sad or mad or troubled. What a sad purpose of this blog..
Exactly a year ago, I was ranting on how unproductive my holiday was and how not excited I was for my 21sr Birthday. This year, I'm glad to say that I've spent my holiday working at a job that I enjoy and have learnt a lot from, a job that I can continue to do despite school and probably for the rest of the near future. There has been it's ups and downs, but as of now all is going well and I feel welcomed into this little working family, unlike the very political workforce many experience.
I'm starting my final year in NTU tomorrow, or rather, later. I'm kind of looking forward become FYP planning has already kicked off last semester and I'm excited to reach the end product that I've envisioned. Just hoping that the entire journey will be smooth sailing and fulfilling.
With every passing semester, I feel as if I have less and less friends. Some have graduated before me, some getting busy with their own lives and just losing the contact that we used to have. Sometimes I feel like others don't put in the same effort that I do to maintain a friendship. Yes you are busy with your own stuff but so am I. I'm getting tired of always being the one putting in one sided effort into my friendships. I really wonder how some of my circle of friends would have turned out if I hadn't been involved.
Once again, my birthday is around the corner and I'm not looking forward to it as usual. I hate the expectation that you naturally have when my birthday is approaching. When there's expectation there's disappointment, yet if i force myself not to have any expectations, the thought of letting my supposedly special day of the year just go by like any other day just makes me even sadder. What is the significance of having a birthday? What is a satisfactory Birthday celebration? What am I supposed to expect from a birthday? It's not about the material privilege I may get on my birthday, it's the treatment I get from the people around me to show that they care and love me, and hence celebrate my existence marked by this particular day. Every year the effort that goes into a so called 'celebration' seems to be diminishing, as if it has become an obligation. Why.
Today, what you told me made me tear. I literally felt my heart sink. It's as if I really didn't matter.
There are a million excuses in the world, but if you truly mean something it will show. I hate that disappointment exists as a feeling.
A new year hopefully marks the start to something fresh and I sincerely hope to move on from all the unhappiness and unfortunate events that happened to me in 2013. Looking back, it really took me a lot of courage to go through all those downs and I'm proud of myself for being able to be that strong. This year, my aim is to atone for the mistakes that I made in the previous year by making wiser decisions.
Things with my boy have been going relatively well and strong, nothing to complain about but be thankful. Just celebrated his birthday 3 days ago and our first year anniversary is coming up soon. How time flies. I have been in contact with my closest friends and these people are all I need in life actually. Really glad that we've made it this far in life together. Went to korea with michelle to look for xiwen earlier this January for a week, and it was a fruitful trip. Really felt rejuvenated and happy not just for the winter but for the friendship throughout the trip. I've been putting in extra effort to spend time with my family especially now that I'm relieved of hall responsibilities. Weekends should be reserved for them and being at home doesn't mean hiding in the room using the com. Looking forward to our trip to Norway this July!
I'm in the second semester for my third year now which means that I only have 1.5 more years to go before I graduate and have to find a job and earn money and be independent and get married bla bla bla. Right now I have to start planning for my FYP but inspiration and ideas don't come when you need it, so I wait for it. My FYP partner is going on exchange which makes things even harder. School has just been a mundane and repetitive cycle that I endure through week after week despite it being a 3-day week. I go to hall on Monday, only looking forward for it to end on Thursday. The familiar faces in hall have mostly left and I'm starting to feel foreign in this place that I've stayed for 3 years. Last semester, ADM was forced to be subjected to the bell curve/moderation system which is seriously dumb and doesn't make any sense. How do you grade a class of art students working on entirely different and unique projects based on moderation? If every student produces extremely creative projects that deserves an A, who's going to be the poor dude that's gonna get a B? Retarded.
Volleyball and softball have both ended their seasons this IHG and I feel hopeless for vball and disappointed for softball. We trained hard for softball and had high expectations that only went unfulfilled. The team next year onwards will never be the same again. I feel really sad that volleyball matches and trainings in hall suck so much, yet it was supposedly my favorite sport. Don't kill my passion with your lack of passion. I know this sounds elitist or whatever, but I need some people with standard to play with please.
So.. this sums up my rant since my last post and until my next, 2014 please be good to me.
Haven't posted in a damn long while.
Man.. looking back, the last time I ranted was during exams last semester and so much have happened eversince. 3.5 months of holidays are gone and today marks the first day of school which I thankfully do not have yet.
I've spent my holidays doing nothing productive other than spending time with my friends and loved ones. No work, no internship, no family overseas vacation. Went on an early trip to malacca with the boy which was a pretty eye opening experience cos I haven't been there since 2007 or earlier. Steadily becoming broke but thank goodness for the $500 from the government haha.
I'm going on my third year of university and it really makes me feel like time passes too quickly. One part of me wishes it wouldn't end so soon because once it does it means you've grown up and you'll have to face the responsibilities of an adult like finding a job, earning money, getting married etcetcetc. Yet another part wants it to quickly be over because what I'm doing isn't exactly what I wanted.
Seeing many friends going overseas for exchange makes me a little envious. You get to kinda leave everything behind and start a fresh new adventurous life abroad, gain an experience you probably never will get ever again, and come back a rejuvenated or maybe changed person. Not applying for it last semester because of all the buzz and duties in hall really sounds dumb. Yet if I apply to go next semester, FYP would have already started.
Dilemma dilemma.
Turning 21 in a couple of days. But I'm not really feeling the excitement of this supposed 'milestone in life'. Age is just a number to me and turning 21 doesn't make me wiser/smarter/more sensible. I'm still just me and living under my parents as I always have been. Never liked any big hype or parties with a lot of people for my birthdays so I didn't want a big party, but ended up kinda planning a 40-50pax sized party cos of my parents wishes. Oh well if they're happy celebrating it for me then I'll do it.
On a side note, i can't wait to officially step down from all my JCRC responsibilities. I'm tired.
worst exam period I've ever been through. and probably the worst that I'll ever go through. I don't even know if I'm becoming oversensitive or overemotional or whatever I can't even tell them apart now.
Shit happens when you're lowest in your life. As if that's not enough.
